I knew this day would come

AKA My Sleep Crutch

So you may or may not know but Jake has pretty much co-slept with us in our bed since birth. My well-thought out plan to have him in the bassinet insert of the pack-n-play next to the bed as a newborn pretty much went out the window the first time I fell asleep nursing him. He got so used to be snuggled up next to me that when I did manage to stay awake during one of his marathon feeds, he would protest. As a tired new mom, I would give in. Some would call this "reactive" co-sleeping, which is different than those who consciously choose the family bed. I thought since I had done all the research in my developmental psych class just the semester before I was different but really I wasn't. It just meant that I knew what safety precautions to take.

So with Jadyn I knew better. I knew I would end up with her in our bed and since we did not get Jake transitioned into his big boy well in advance of her birth, I also knew we were going to be pretty crowded. We made due. However, somewhere around 7 months old, I realized Jadyn was not sleeping well in our bed. She was tossing, turning, kicking us in the face, waking for no reason. It just was not working the way it had for Jake. So I did the work to get her adjusted to her crib and then again at 11 months, we did the whole sleep training thing to get her sleeping through the night and viola! A good sleeper emerged. We had sort of done sleep training with Jake, in that he at least starts off in his bed. This ensures an earlier bed time for him (since he no longer naps) and time for me to work after he goes to bed. But he only lasts 2-4 hours and then he ends up back in bed with us for the rest of the night. I know/knew it was probably time to get Jake to sleep through the night in his own bed but the situation seemed to work for us. Everybody was getting a good night sleep (and for me it was the first time in 3 years) and so I continued to put it off. But in the back of my mind I knew.......

I knew that somewhere in the not too distant future, Jadyn would get older and wiser and realize that while she was nestled snuggly in her crib, Mommy, Daddy and Jake were all together in the big bed. And that day came about 3 weeks ago with her newfound mobility to dismount from her toddler bed, open the door to her room and walk into our bedroom in the middle of the night. At first I tried in earnest to take her back to her room and help her back to sleep. After her second trip in the same night to "visit" us, I realized I wasn't really being fair. After all, she can clearly SEE Jake is in bed with us. I cannot punish her because she was my good sleeper. So I caved, picked her up, snuggled her in between me, Jake and Joe and off to dreamland she went. We have been receiving nightly visits ever since - scheduled anywhere from 12am to 4am depending on her mood. In her defense, she is sleeping in much later and I know lack of sleep from the time change was affecting her temperament (already vulnerable from a case of the terrible two's). The best part is when I wake up in the morning and they roll over thinking they are cuddling with me but really it is each other. Hehe!

Joe and I have discussed the situation and have decided that when preschool/YMCA gets out at the end of May we will get both of them in their beds using the Sleep Nanny technique, which is what I have been planning to do with Jake when I was ready. And there is a very key phrase in that sentence - WHEN I AM READY. Because I am fully able to admit that Jake (and now Jadyn) being in bed with us is just us much about me as it is about them. Jake has been co-sleeping with me since birth people! That means for the last 4 years I have had his little body next to me. Joe and I were never cuddly sleepers. This has become my sleep crutch. There have been nights when Jake has still been asleep in his bed at the time I am ready to go to sleep and I cannot fall asleep because I am so used to having him there. I know I am going to miss it. In fact it is such an emotional issue for me that when Joe and I talk about it I usually get weepy. And I have to be 100% committed because once we "sleep train" them there can be no allowances, or at least not for a very long time to avoid any confusion.

I was/am so proud of the progress we made with Jadyn's sleep. I feel like we did things the right way. But one thing I have learned, especially from being on the May 06 birth board on BBC is to be accepting of other parenting styles and choices. After personally experiencing parenting, after personally experiencing how different each child and their needs ares I now know that each family and each baby/child's needs and dynamic is different and what works for one might not for another and to each their own and to that end I have no regrets about co-sleeping with Jake or having a family bed. There were times (think at 21 months when he was still waking to nurse and I was 7 months months pregnant or newborn and toddler fighting over my breast in the darkness of the middle of the night) when it was physically and emotionally draining. But if I could go back and change things I don't know that I would.

I am reminded of the lyrics of a very poignant song by Billy Dean:

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I have always loved that song, but especially because it reminds me that I am not the only parent who has caved and let their kids sleep in bed with them. And although I know it is time for them to be in their own beds, at this very moment I am just going to let them be little.